- A lil' abo My Favorite book for the year 2003 I spent a lot of time & hours to learn and to understand this great book -

What do you think? True or false?

Most people quickly say it is false. They argue that they don’t cause everything that happens to them. This is certainly true. All kinds of things happen to you in life that you don’t cause. However, this statement is absolutely true. You are responsible for all of your experiences of life.

Now, this is a bit of a trick. Notice, the statement says "of life" and not "in life." You are not responsible for everything that happens to you (although often you may contribute to it.) Many things happen to you (both good and bad) over which you have no control. A tornado, a flood, the ups and downs of the stock market. These events are your experiences in life. How you react to them are your experiences of life. You always control your experiences of life.

It is you talking to you. It is you telling yourself about life. This Voice of Conscience can talk you into a lot of trouble or it can create a positive outlook that changes your life experience.

Learn to listen to the Voice of Conscience and catch it when it is talking nonsense. Catch it when it is being overly critical. Catch it when it is over-reacting. When it is making things worse than they are. Change the nature of this inner dialogue and life will go better. Control your reactions to life by monitoring your thinking. Learn to think realistically about life. Life will give you enough trouble. Don’t make it worse than it is.

Be sure to remember: Life acts; You react; but in between you think. Choose your reaction by choosing what you think. Pay attention to your inner dialogue. How you talk to yourself is important. Be sure you are talking sensibly. Take responsibility for your thinking. Make a choice. Make life go better.

How to change

Have you ever wanted to change something about yourself?

First, you must identify what to change. Find something about yourself that you don’t like or that causes you problems. It might be that you are too critical of others. Maybe you are too passive and can’t say, "No." Maybe you avoid exercise. Or, it might be that you work too much and won’t slow down.

Once you know what you want to change, you just begin to observe yourself on any ordinary day. Observing yourself is introspection. It is watching what you do and asking why you did it. Introspection is thinking about yourself and catching yourself in action.

So, on any ordinary day, pick out a behavior to change and then just watch yourself. Soon that Voice that talks to you, the Voice of Conscience, will speak up and say something like, "Look, you just did it again." You just criticized that person. You said "Yes" when you should have said, "No." You took the elevator when you could have climbed the stairs.

Whenever this Voice speaks up like this, it is good news. It is time to celebrate in fact. You are actually making progress. Before, you always did the same thing but you thought it was fine. You didn’t even realize that it was a problem. Now, you have caught yourself after the fact. You are becoming more aware.

With even more self-observation the Voice now says, "Look out! You are about to do it again." And, once again, you do. You are catching yourself in action sooner and sooner. You are becoming more aware of what you are doing and building the momentum for change

Once you understand yourself and your problem behavior you can grow and develop into a more mature person and not fall back into the same old pattern.

Each time you successfully make a change, look for a new problem and just begin to observe yourself again on any ordinary day. Soon that Voice will speak up again and guide you towards more change.

On Waking Up

Life is full of lessons. Each day tries to teach us. Each day offers "awakening moments" of clarity in which new insight into life can be gained. To be useful we must perceive the awakening moment and grasp its meaning. Once understood it brings a new awareness. New possibilities are opened. Changes in patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior can occur.

Awakening moments can be ordinary. They can be as ordinary as a rainy day. I have a photograph of an awakening moment. It was taken on a day that started sunny but soon turned to rain. During a bus ride from Salisbury, England to Stonehenge there was a downpour. I grumbled to myself and to my wife about how the rain would ruin this long awaited trip. Later walking around Stonehenge in the cold, wet mist, I was still disappointed with the day. Suddenly, the rain stopped. For a few glorious moments the sun broke through the clouds and a rainbow appeared. My photograph of a rainbow over Stonehenge was an awakening moment.

That rainy day and, especially, that moment became the highlight of my two-week trip to England. It also opened me to a new attitude. Without the rain I would not have found that rainbow. Grumbling about present reality does not help. It only distracts you from what is happening. You must be open to every moment. You never know what it will bring.

Opening to the moment is difficult. To be open you must be willing to change. You must be willing to let go of where you are. We develop patterns of routine that we will not easily give up. We become comfortable, and it feels risky to change. It is easier staying the same.

Comfort that becomes a routine can become a rut. If you stay comfortable long enough, you become stuck. When a rut is deep enough then it becomes a grave, and you are covered over with the inertia of inaction.

To have a meaningful life you must mindfully look for ways to change even in presence of comfort. The paradox is that learning to challenge your comfort zone may help keep you comfortable because life does not get boring. Always being open to change even in the midst of comfort gives life vitality. Learn to actively seek opportunities to grow. For a meaningful life the willing and daily challenging of comfort is required.

Where are you today? Are you comfortable? Are you too comfortable? Are you ready to make a change? What is life teaching you today? Can you hear the message? Will you see the awakening moments today?

Have you ever made a mistake? Of course you have. We all do. The problem is not making mistakes but what you tell yourself when you make one. What did you say to yourself the last time that you made a mistake?

" When you make a mistake what do you say to yourself?"

Whatever you said depends upon your rule about mistakes. We all have "Rules for Living" that we learned early in life and apply to our daily experiences. Because we live in an achievement and success oriented world, a popular rule is, "Whenever you do anything, do it right." Our parents, teachers, coaches, and friends helped us learn this rule.

Just recall how you learned to ride a bike. What is the first step in learning to ride? Falling off. You lean too far to the right and what happens? You fall. Next, you lean too far to the left and you fall again. Fall off and get back up enough times and you will learn to balance and ride the bike. So, a mistake is the first step in learning. Success comes from mistakes. This is good news. With this new rule the inner dialogue of the Voice of Conscience can change.

With your new rule, what should you say to yourself the next time you make a mistake? Something like, "Great! Wonderful! Now I can learn something." You will be energized and feel excited, challenged, and motivated. You will get busy and work harder.

So, check out your rules for mistakes. Listen to what you say to yourself when you make one? If you don’t like what you hear – then change the rule..

Our minds are always busy making meaning of life events."
We create our own reality with our thinking. Something happens and we think about it. What we think determines our reaction and experience. Our experience becomes our reality.

Our minds are always busy making meaning of life events. The problem is that we don’t always know we are doing it. Over time this making of meaning becomes automatic and happens outside of awareness. It is automatic because we have practiced it so often.

There are other possibilities. If you learn to pay attention to what you say to yourself then you can challenge it. You can make different choices. Is it true that you always make a mistake? Could the boss have just criticized your coworker and that is why she was upset? Was the other driver rushing to the hospital? If you see another possibility then you get another reality and a different experience. Automatic thinking can create trouble that you don’t need. It can create a distressing reality that is based upon your habitual thinking.

• Learn to pay more attention to what you say to yourself.
• Look for other explanations for what happened.
• Consider the possibility that your first thought may not be right.
• Challenge your thinking and give life the best meaning that you can.

Enliven life by looking for fresh possibilities and don’t fall back on old, automatic habits

Words to avoid. Can't or won't?"

Words to avoid." Some words can create problems for you, especially, when you use them without thinking about their true meaning. The way we think and the words we use determine our reactions to life. Life acts and then we react, but in between we think. So, watch out for what you think. You may be creating more trouble than you need.

Most of us do not like this change in words because it confronts us with our responsibility for not acting. After all, if you say you "can’t" do it then you let your self off the hook of responsibility. When you say you can’t, you give yourself permission not to try.

• If you can’t lose weight – don’t try.
• If you can’t stop smoking – give up.
• If you can’t forgive – then keep holding a grudge.

You get to give up before you start.You are allowing yourself to be stuck with a problem of your own choosing.

Learn to take responsibility for your choices. Intentionally make a choice. It is all right to decide not to do something. Just take responsibility for your decision.

You may choose not to lose weight, stop smoking, or forgive. That’s okay. Make the choice not to, but don’t convince yourself it is impossible to do. Don’t give yourself the easy way out.

Taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions puts you in control of yourself, rather than having you feel controlled by habits, emotions, and circumstances.

So, listen out for the word "can’t." When you hear yourself saying it, challenge it. Call time-out. Try out the word "won’t" and see if it fits better. If you don’t like it when you say it, then it is probably the right word. It challenges you to make a conscious choice and to exercise responsibility. Pay attention to the way you think. You can think yourself into more trouble than you need. Learn to change your thinking and life will go better.